Did my husband chose me over her or is he a jerk.?

My now husband and i were dating and i got pregnant and he decided to marry me.
I found out the whole time that he had been talking to me he was talking to another girl (ex gf)seriously(long distance only). My husband, called her after he found out i was pregnant to cut things off with her and told her he was

My now husband and i were dating and i got pregnant and he decided to marry me.
I found out the whole time that he had been talking to me he was talking to another girl (ex gf)seriously(long distance only). My husband, called her after he found out i was pregnant to cut things off with her and told her he was marrying me. Should i be insulted. Does that mean he chose me over her, or wanted and now chose me only because i was pregnant. Or was he a jerk to her and mistreated her as well?

Best Answer:

Coach Simon: He chose you and your child, didn't he? I would leave the past in the past. Stuff happens, and I cannot imagine that there is anyone who does not have regrets. "He who has made no mistakes has not made anything". Not much ca happen long distance, after all: it can't have been much of a relationship.

Focus on your current relationship and you family. They are the things you can influence, not the past.

Have a great Christmas!

Other answer:

Coach Simon:
Of course you should be insulted. He was going behind your back to stay in touch with this girl (and dollars to donuts says he's already fuccckkked her, or was looking to fucccckk her).

The point is that he hid their relationship from you. Whether or not he "chose" you over her, or if he dumped her only because you got pregnant is irrelevant here. How he treated her during their little side relationship is also irrelevant. The point is that he was being unfaithful to you.

Get into counseling ASAP, otherwise this marriage isn't going to work. Especially since the baby is what pushed you into it.

Angela:
of course you should be insulted… he was going behind your back to stay in touch with this girl (and dollars to donuts says he's already fuccckkked her, or was looking to fucccckk her)…

the point is that he hid their relationship from you… whether or not he "chose" you over her, or if he dumped her only 'cause you got pregnant is irrelevant here… how he treated her during their little side relationship is also irrelevant… the point is that he was being unfaithful to you…

get into counseling asap, otherwise this marriage isn't going to work… especially since the baby is what pushed you into it…

Texperson:
Did he ask you to marry him or break off with her before you told him you were pregnant? No
Did he choose you over her? For now yes. Over time it will all depend on how you, he and baby get along.
At least he was man enough to do the right thing. Now stop questioning his every move, try to love and accept him if you want it to work out.
linkus86:
The boy you were dating may have been a jerk, but the man you married is a stand up guy.

He chose to marry you because you got pregnant, but took marriage seriously as a commitment to you by cutting ties with other women. He should be praised for his maturity and commitment to you.

Been There:
You will never know how much of his choice was because he loves you, because you are here (and can give him sex .. men never keep LDR's because there isn't any sex in them), or because you got pregnant.

But you DO know he IS a jerk and mistreats women.
You made a mistake marrying him.
You made a mistake getting pregnant by him.
You made a mistake dating this guy.

What you do not, is to try to make the marriage work. As long as he is not acting on any of YOUR deal breakers .. accept other behaviors.
NO one is perfect and no marriage will be either. There will be times when you are upset and hurt and angry ..and at those times you either take responsibility for the creation of your own emotions (based on your cognitive self-statements) so that you CAN accept your partner .. or you will be undermining the marriage and leading to its divorce.

No marriage is perfect.
Always, the solution is to learn to see how WE are the creators of our emotions .. and then learn to work with our emotions so that we can accept our partner. Because no one feels loved unless they also feel accepted.
And because as long as we are not working with our emotions, we are blaming our partner and trying to make them change. Which creates discord and alienation, and ultimately leads to divorce.
But be aware that only 12.5% of all couples manage to mature to the point of being able to work with their own emotions .. and it takes them 15-20 years of marriage to DO so.

So be patient and hang in there. Accept the fact that your partner is flawed (just as you are too) and that they will not love you the way YOU want to be loved (since they are not you), and that you two can grow into a mature companionate love or mutual support and acceptance. Maybe. Marriage is the hardest thing you will ever do, because it requires US to face OUR inner garbage and clear out the heap.

ON THE REALISTIC SIDE:
While you are married, do not delay in taking courses/training for a certificate/diploma/trades-ticket so that you can have a good-paying job.
Partly because in today's economic climate it is almost impossible for a couple to have a decent lifestyle unless BOTH are working.
And partly because 50% of all marriages end in divorce (and your's is not starting out very well) and the last thing you want to be is trying to survive as a divorced mother who cannot adequately support herself and her child from her own work.
(don't count on Child Support, since the best it pays is half the cost of raising the child and 0% of what you need to support yourself).

Swimming in it:
Give it up. You got pregnant while you were dating a guy who had other interests as well. A man you were "talking" to. He dumped his other interest and married you. If you can't celebrate that and be happy then YOU should not have married this man. Do not torture him for attempting to do what he thought was "right". Seeking fault and blame is setting yourself up for drama and trauma. Give it up. Decide to be happy.
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Happy-2:
Q: Or was he a jerk to her and mistreated her as well?

A: What do you mean mistreated her "as well"? Are you saying he mistreated you? If so, you should not have married him no matter what HE decided.

i + i:
Yes.

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